Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Whenever this happens, I give my guest my full attention and insist they tell me EVERY detail. Truth is, I'm a sucker for a great ghostly tale!
But a few nights ago, one of my tour goers unveiled a story of a different kind. She was a quiet, older woman, there with her two girlfriends enjoying a "Girl's Night Out." Her companions did most of the talking and answering of the trivia questions I asked (Yes, we play a trivia game on the tour, and the winner receives a Haunted Tavern Tour shot glass! WHY haven't you been here yet?). But since I want to make sure ALL of my guests are having a good time, I sat down next to her at one of our stops and struck up a conversation.
I wasn't sure I believed her, but I told her to keep an eye out and let me know if she saw any of the spirits I mentioned on the tour. She promised she would. At the end of the evening, I approached her once more and asked her if she "got" anything along the way. She said she saw a few spirits relating to what I was talking about.
Unfortunately, the tour was wrapping up and I wasn't able to question her any further. She smiled as she took my hand, thanked me, and wished me luck. Then she was gone. And there I stood, on 3rd Avenue in downtown Nashville, wondering.
Wondering why God decided I needed TWO guardians, first of all. I mean, it's not like I do a lot of sky-diving or bungie-jumping these days. A great deal of my time is spent reading and napping!
Which brings me to another issue I stood pondering: Aren't my angels BORED? Also, do they see me when I come out of the shower? Oh, these poor, poor celestial beings!! They must complain about their job on a daily basis, begging to be reassigned!
The evil beings would buzz around the ears of the earthlings, whispering condescending words that the humans immediately believed about themselves. They'd slouch over, burdened by the weight of it. The angels would swarm in and engage in battle with the demons, warning them to keep away from God's precious creatures. It was some powerful stuff! It occurred to me that if this was the case, then I was DEFINITELY in need of two of these guys.
So, with that in mind, I'd like to take a moment to speak to my angels, since we're now aware of each other:
Hi fellas! I'd just like to start off by thanking you for, so far, a job well done! I've managed to live 47 full years without a whole lot of tragedy or drama, and for that I'm truly grateful! Also, thanks for having my back each night after my tours as I walk back to my parked car in downtown Nashville. I've always felt some kind of protection on those nights, now I know the source! You guys ROCK!!
I imagine the "fighting off my demons" thing can be pretty tiresome for you both. As we all know, I've got plenty of them buzzing around to keep you busy. Lately, Anxiety and Body Image have been running pretty rampant, so I'd really appreciate if you could just stick a large, sharp saber right through both of their hearts. That'd be just terrific. Also, quick question: Is there, by any chance, a guy named "Keep Her Metabolism As Slow As Possible" encircling me? If so, could you please see that he dies an intensely painful, slow, torturous death? Thanks!
Lastly, thanks for believing that I'm special enough to protect. That may be worth more to me than the actual protection itself. Another demon bites the dust...
Thanks for Reading!
- Anything Fits A Naked Man
- Nashville, TN, United States
- Welcome to my blog! I'm Joan, a former actress attempting to reconnect with my first love of writing. Join me as I ponder my Irish dad, sweet grandma, GPS dependency, hatred of the Hallmark channel, and other insightful topics that make you go, "Hmmm..."
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